Forgive me, forgive me, for I have sinned. (And so has he. Lout.) September 27, 2008 17:36 3 Comments

Dear, dear Blue Gardenia customers, I have been woefully slow in shipping the last 10 days. I have been completely caught up in the work being done in the house. Feeling displaced. Out of sorts. Etc. That is not an excuse. It’s an explanation. Really. I am sorry. Completely. Absolutely. Abundantly. 

But. I have spent the day catching up on Blue Gardenia shipping, so if you have been holding your breath for your order to arrive, you’ll be able to release it soon. Those of you  who have been victims of my tardy shipping have gotten a complimentary upgrade to Priority shipping. And I beg you, on my knees, tears flowing: Please. Forgive me. I apologize. Sincerely.

On another topic, I have been pissed — excuse my language, please, darling readers — with His Bertness today. If you were looking toward Arizona, doubtless you saw clouds. You thought they were clouds. But. I am here to tell you, those were not clouds, my friends, those were great bursts of steam coming out of my ears. Out of my nostrils.

Recently, when we were moving things downstairs for the carpet installation, my beloved hubby removed files from a file cabinet drawer. When he replaced them, he did so carelessly. Absentmindedly. In a most willy-nilly fashion. There were files facing backward. There were files facing forward. And, natch, they were no longer in alphabetical order. Can you say asshole? I can. And I probably did today. And not just under my breath. I hate to file, you see. I do. Absolutely. But I do it anyway, because I have learned it makes life easier. (Oh, woe is me, little Wednesday's child.)

So. I discovered his transgression when I tried to file some recipes today. Oh oh oh oh oh. I was beyond angry. There was even — gasp! — slamming of doors. So unlike me. I am Obama cool. Normally. Truly. I am. But today, I wanted to scream "I hate you I hate you I hate you." I wanted to stamp my feet. I wanted to clench my fists. I wanted to yell. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole.

Now. All of you probably have perfect husbands, wives, girlfriends, boyfriends. Husbands, wives, girlfriends, boyfriends who would not think of replacing files in less than pristine fashion, neatly organized, better than before. Alas, that is not the case in my household. Yes, His Bertness is handsome. Yes, His Bertness is smart. But. Could he just respect the hours I spent filing? Is that too much too ask? Is it? Is it? Is it? I think not.

I feel devalued, she sobbed. Unappreciated. Invisible. Sniff, sniff. Sniff. Where are my Puffs? I want them. I need them. I am off to find them.